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Like many Americans, I worship the Chinese Santa Claus, who is called 圣诞老人 [Dun Che Lao Ren], or Christmas Old Man. This year, my wish list is so extensive, I’m worried that I’ll have to sacrifice A LOT of elves to Christmas Old Man to get everything I want. Luckily, I live near an elf farmer who will happily give me elves in exchange for my homemade cheese. Unfortunately, the amount of cheese I’ll be able to make before Christmas will only get me around seventeen elves and I estimate that I’ll need at least twenty three to satisfy Christmas Old Man enough to get everything on my list. So, I’m going to have to pare it down: Heat Seeking Corn MonitorTibetan pudding blaster3D sofa (with copper insulation)The definition of timeFred Grandy’s Christmas Ululations album (Mono Mix)Pneumatic dolphin heater24k gold motorized beach ballSPIDERS!!!Concrete ankle sharpenerTaste (although I will settle for Class)32GB wolf aerosolLow-resonance pumpkin fuse pocket (Karate enabled)Corey Haim commemorative plate displayOrganic plexiglass cat pants I could probably do without the Corey Haim commemorative plate display, considering that it might detract from my Don Knotts spoon collection. And I guess I won’t really need the SPIDERS!!! since I’m trading all my cheese away. And I suppose I can make do with the old hand crank dolphin heater for another year.If Christmas Old Man doesn’t bring me the rest of this stuff, I’m never making cheese again!Oh, who am I kidding. I’ll always make cheese. 圣诞快乐，大家!

Like many Americans, I worship the Chinese Santa Claus, who is called 圣诞老人 [Dun Che Lao Ren], or Christmas Old Man. This year, my wish list is so extensive, I’m worried that I’ll have to sacrifice A LOT of elves to Christmas Old Man to get everything I want. Luckily, I live near an elf farmer who will happily give me elves in exchange for my homemade cheese. Unfortunately, the amount of cheese I’ll be able to make before Christmas will only get me around seventeen elves and I estimate that I’ll need at least twenty three to satisfy Christmas Old Man enough to get everything on my list. So, I’m going to have to pare it down:

Heat Seeking Corn Monitor
Tibetan pudding blaster
3D sofa (with copper insulation)
The definition of time
Fred Grandy’s Christmas Ululations album (Mono Mix)
Pneumatic dolphin heater
24k gold motorized beach ball
SPIDERS!!!
Concrete ankle sharpener
Taste (although I will settle for Class)
32GB wolf aerosol
Low-resonance pumpkin fuse pocket (Karate enabled)
Corey Haim commemorative plate display
Organic plexiglass cat pants

I could probably do without the Corey Haim commemorative plate display, considering that it might detract from my Don Knotts spoon collection. And I guess I won’t really need the SPIDERS!!! since I’m trading all my cheese away. And I suppose I can make do with the old hand crank dolphin heater for another year.

If Christmas Old Man doesn’t bring me the rest of this stuff, I’m never making cheese again!

Oh, who am I kidding. I’ll always make cheese.

圣诞快乐，大家!

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