Misanthropee My Pants

The birthday celebration for Sir Alec Guinness.

Mark: Cheers, Alec. I know I’ve said it a million times already, but it’s an honor to be working with you.

Alec: And you are?

Mark: Mark. Mark Hamill.

Alec: …

George: Alec, he’s the…

Alec: Now, now. The boy can explain himself.

Mark: …

Alec: Well, go on. I know you from what?

Mark: You mean besides the months of rehearsals we’ve done for this film?

Alec: Rehearsals?

Mark: …

George: Mark, I think Alec is just pulling your leg. [laughs]

Mark: Oh! [laughs]

Alec: Yes, of course. [laughs]

George: Oh, Mark, they need you over at wardrobe.

Mark: Oh. Okay. Happy birthday, Alec!

Alec: Thanks, Matt. Take care.

George: It’s Mark, Alec. His name is Mark.

Alec: Outstanding. Okay! Who’s ready for ice cream?

George: [laughs] That would be nice.

Alec: Meaning?

George: Well, we’d probably be the first people to ever eat ice cream in the Tunisian desert. Too bad we couldn’t bring any.

Alec: I beg your pardon? My contract has specific stipulations about ice cream.

George: [laughs]

Alec: This is no laughing matter. Until ice cream is nigh, I’ll be in my trailer.

George: What? We’re not getting any ice cream here! You can have ice cream after we get back to California.

Alec: …

George: [sigh] I promise.

Alec: And I promise you’ll be hearing from my agent. I’ll be in my trailer.

George: Wait! Alec! I’m expecting another grip from Germany tomorrow. I’ll have him bring ice cream from the airport.

Alec: Tomorrow?

George: Yes.

Alec: What kind?

George: Whatever he finds at the airport! Does it matter?

Alec: You haven’t read my contract at all, have you? Am I to assume there won’t be any shaved chimps in clown make-up hand feeding me melon balls tonight, either?

George: …

Alec: I’ll be in my trailer.

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